Monday, October 28, 2013

Loading Girl Me....1 Percent Complete

The past week has been quite interesting. The magic hormone pills have started to soften my skin and redistribute fat from my abdomen to my chest, hips, and butt. I lost 3 inches from my waist in the last seven days, to give you a sense of how dramatic the changes can be. In thinking about my transition, it strikes me that it takes about 2 years to get the majority of the effects from hormones, and I've just completed my first week. So, I'm about 1 percent done. Only 99 percent to go. How very exciting.

My relationship with my wife continues to be complex. Some days she loves me and is willing to give life together a try, and other days she hates me and thinks I am ruining her life by marching on to transition. She's been having trouble with the baby blues since the birth of our daughter in August, so I am hopeful that she will be better able to cope after seeing her doctor with this information today. It may not make our relationship work, but at least she will be able to make decisions for herself, and communicate with me, in a way that is healthy for us both.

For my part, I saw my therapist this afternoon. First time in four years. Not a thing had changed in her office, other than the fact that we both had phones which could access the internet. Ha! It was nice unloading the last four years of my life on her, and she took it in stride. Her big concerns were a) how we tell my 11 year old; b) whether my sexuality will remain fixed once I transition; and c) if my wife might be open to working with her, since she is an expert in dealing with spouses of men who become women. I have had more than a few thoughts about a and b, and I hope that my wife will consider c.

Thanks for reading!


Monday, October 21, 2013

Passing the Exam

I had my appointment today with the hormone doctor. It went very well. He prescribed for me 4 mgs daily Estradiol, and promised to increase it to 6 mg at my next appointment, if that doesn't do the trick.

We had a lengthy conversation about the health risks associated with estrogen, in light of my concerns about a blood clot I had a few years ago. He said to take preventative measures to guard against future clotting, but that he wouldn't with hold hormone treatment because of it.

One of the niceties of this regime is that I will have to take fewer pills, and less often, than when I was on Premarin and Provera a few years ago. This will make it easier to manage, and I won't always have to be watching the clock, thinking about my next meds.

Tomorrow morning, I will start my new medicine. I am so looking forward to it. It has been a long time coming, and I regret stopping hormone use when I was 25 and first started using them. Oh well. Not much I can do about that now, but I can be dedicated to making it through my transition this time.

Wish me luck,


Friday, October 18, 2013

Itty-Bity Baby Steps

Great news! I got through to my psychologist and scheduled an appointment for the 28th. She has not retired, and I am very much looking forward to seeing her for the first time in four years. Also, when I called her, she referred me to another hormone doctor!

It turned out that the doctor she referred me to was not accepting new patients. No problem, however; I did some research and came up with another doctor that works with tgirls nearby. First, I sent him an email to see if he was accepting new patients, and accepting patients like me. He didn't respond right away, and I was antsy, so I called his office directly.

The receptionist was very nice and even asked if I had a name that I wanted to be called other than my boy name (I said not yet, but in hindsight I should have told them to call me Kate; mentally, that seems slightly orgasmic). My appointment is scheduled for the 21st.  Good lord I am excited for that appointment.

I asked my psychologist to send to the hormone doctor a letter indicating that I do indeed have ongoing gender dysphoria and that I am a proper candidate for hormone treatment. Hopefully, it will get there in time. I would really love to start hormones on my way out the door of the doctor's office on Monday, and not have to wait for paperwork or random lab tests or something like that.

My key concern is that the hormone doctor will give me crap about hormone use because I once had a blood clot, and a history of blood clots, like hormones, are indicated in increased risk of clot formation. Though, I did contact a specialist once who said that my history of having a clot should not preclude me from hormone use. I hope that specialist knew what they were talking about.

Over the past few days, I have already been getting ready for my appointments and transition. I've been gradually removing all of my ugly boy body hair, which I had let creep back in over the past few months. Also, I started a diet, ordered some new girl underwear to wear to my appointments and around town, and did some touch up reading on the transition process and what I can expect from hormone use.

Another fun thing I did was look up female body sizes and types, so I can get a sense of what I might look like at various weights once I transition. It looks like my ideal weight for my height is around 160 lbs, but I could even pull off 170 lbs I think. Definitely, though, I need to get my weight down.

Well, that's all for now! Thanks for reading:)


Tuesday, October 15, 2013

It Is Time

After years of trying to keep my transgender identity under wraps, I have decided it is now time to move ahead with my transition.

Yesterday, I told my wife that I thought our relationship was damaged in myriad ways by my keeping things a secret, and that I intend to start hormones again soon. At first she was very hurt, sensing that I was leaving her behind, but I reassured her over and over again that my intention is to stay with her. Eventually, she said she loved me and gave me the biggest hug she has given me in months. I don't take her reaction to mean she is supportive, just that she's going to hang around as long as she can.

This morning I called my hormone doctor, but he retired! Arg. Now I have to find a new one. I called my therapist to schedule an appointment and to see if she could recommend another doctor, but she hasn't been answering. I hope she didn't retire, too! I am soooo ready to get back on the happy, magic pills we call estrogen, and to get my body looking and feeling like I have long dreamed for it to be.

Thanks to everyone who has supported me in the past, and thanks to everyone who will support me this time. There is no stopping me now.