Thursday, April 5, 2012

How do you make a decision?

In the past few weeks, my need to transition from male to female has grown back to its previously significant levels. This follows a period of relative calm, in which I had the problem fairly well under control.

Complicating things are two events that have recently happened in my life. One, I had a blot clot and now I don't know whether I will ever be able to take female hormones again. Two, I had a son.

The blood clot came about during a sick spell in which I spent a lot of time on my back. Prolonged immobility led to the clot, but I imagine that a doctor would consider me at higher risk for clots in the future and tell me not to take conjugated estrogens. If this is so, I will really have to rethink my life - taking estrogen was ALWAYS an option, I thought.

Having a son was a great thing that happened to me, but it complicates matters now. If I decided to transition anytime in the near future, my wife would surely want to leave me and a custody fight might ensue. The other possibility - and I think its a real possibility - is that my wife would let me have custody of my son. If that happens, I would have to structure my life, and my transition, around being a single parent. Fun, right?

So, these are the problems a transgendered person gets themselves into when they don't have the guts to leave their spouse, who they love, after their spouse decides that they can't stand by and watch their partner change genders (despite having known full well about this possibility prior to marriage). Oh well and blarg!