It Is Time

After years of trying to keep my transgender identity under wraps, I have decided it is now time to move ahead with my transition.

Yesterday, I told my wife that I thought our relationship was damaged in myriad ways by my keeping things a secret, and that I intend to start hormones again soon. At first she was very hurt, sensing that I was leaving her behind, but I reassured her over and over again that my intention is to stay with her. Eventually, she said she loved me and gave me the biggest hug she has given me in months. I don't take her reaction to mean she is supportive, just that she's going to hang around as long as she can.

This morning I called my hormone doctor, but he retired! Arg. Now I have to find a new one. I called my therapist to schedule an appointment and to see if she could recommend another doctor, but she hasn't been answering. I hope she didn't retire, too! I am soooo ready to get back on the happy, magic pills we call estrogen, and to get my body looking and feeling like I have long dreamed for it to be.

Thanks to everyone who has supported me in the past, and thanks to everyone who will support me this time. There is no stopping me now.

Kate

A Very Powerful Motivation

One of my bestest friends in the whole world is engaged to be married, and she has asked me to be her bridesmaid. She has not set a date for the wedding yet, but I know I need every minute between now and then to get into shape and looking good. There is just no way that I can stand up in the wedding if I don't drop some weight and practice my female voice and make up skills religiously between now and then. Wish me luck! I am so excited...

Kate

Life Update - April 2013

Things are going very well in my life, now that I have decided to stay in non-op mode for the indefinite future. My home and work life are very stable, and I am very much enjoying raising a family of my own. Of course, I have accepted serious trade-offs in pursuit of the good life. I do not get to spend as much time in girl mode as I would like, and I often find myself pining to participate in female-centered activities which I cannot currently engage in.

For example, I found a flyer for a mommy-toddler group that I would like to follow up on, but I don't think the local moms would take too kindly to what appears to be a man walking in on their "mom time." Then, of course, there are the days when I overhear pretty girls talking about something I am interested in, but I have to withdraw from butting in, because they might have a problem with what appears to be a man having such a strong opinion about a dress or hairstyle.

I do still find plenty of outlets through which to exercise my feminine side, which is probably part of what keeps me sane. At least one of my friends has me stored in her phone under my female persona, and treats me as though I am 100 percent girl. Another friend is always asking for opinions on outfits and beauty, which makes me feel fantastic.

In many ways, I often live in male appearance only.  For example, the other day I had lunch with two women I know through work, and the only thing that was male at our table was the waiter. The three of us talked and talked and talked about people and hobbies and all sorts of things, and the lunch ended with this pair telling me they felt so free to express themselves around me. I desperately wanted to schedule another lunch with them - or, better yet, a shopping trip - but I had to think better of it on account of my penis, etc.

Soon, I think, I need to plan a weekend away in which I spend every waking moment as my true self, a girl. Oh the trouble I could get into...

I love you all!

Kate